Rant

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW.

This is the direct result of Endo-san. AAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

She came over about 15-30 minutes ago and seemed actually angry for the first time. Before it's just been "Oh, you should do this, okay?" trying to act all cutesy even though she's 60 years old so it doesn't work at all, but now it was just... argh. First, she's mad because of the futon thing. Here's what happened. Kudo-san (our housing director) came over this morning, apparently. We have deduced that Endo-san went immediately to the futon closet in Aly's room to show her the missing futon, which I replaced two nights ago. It was there in its place (what now, Endo-san?). Earlier this morning when I saw Kudo-san at Meikai I said to her "We didn't have any breakfast this morning" because there was nothing set out for us. There was rice, of course, and some miso soup on the stove, which apparently couldn't feed all three of us (even though Brette and I don't like it anyway, which we've told Endo-san), but not a real breakfast like any bread set out or whatever, which is what we've been having lately.

So Kudo-san tells her this, and Endo-san is very shocked and offended, because there WAS food. So of course, when she comes over we get to hear about it. After she tells me about the futon thing, and I explain and say I'm sorry (which is not good enough, apparently I should have come over to her house and apologized in person. I know you wanted me to do that, Mom, but I'm sorry, I'm not signing myself up for a long lecture if I don't have to), she starts in on the breakfast thing. She tells us like a million times how shocked she was when we said there's no food, because there WAS food, rice and miso soup, and how dare we say that. I pointed out "Brette and I don't like miso soup, and there's not enough time to eat rice always" and she says "It doesn't matter whether you like it or whether there's time, there was food there, and you said there wasn't." Whoa, WHAT? This is where WE LIVE. We PAY YOU to feed us. This has been a problem that we brought up specifically before: we can't just have rice and something else (one time we had rice and cabbage) for breakfast, there has to be more. She has been told this before.

I didn't back down. I looked right at her and I said clearly, "Awhile back, we said bread was best for breakfast because we're busy. Didn't we?" Ohhh, I was so ready for a fight. If she spoke English it would have been ON. But since I can't express all of what I'd like to say, I had to settle for that.

Then, other things. We had dishes still out from dinner, and she told us we should wash them right away. I said I was going to wash them after I finished this movie, and she said no, wash them before. Aly had left a pan out that she hadn't washed because she'd needed to catch her train (even though she'd washed all her other dishes) and Endo-san said that didn't matter, she needed to wash it right away. This has come up NUMEROUS times before. What is the big deal!? The dishes WILL get washed eventually, why do they need to be washed IMMEDIATELY?? I am SO SICK AND TIRED of her ordering us around and telling us what we need to do when WE LIVE HERE, WE ARE PAYING TO LIVE HERE, YOU ARE NOT OUR MOTHER OR GRANDMOTHER OR ANYONE WITH SUCH AUTHORITY OVER US.

Then she said that all of our rooms were dirty (how does she know? Our doors are closed, and she's not supposed to come in. We figured out that this morning with Kudo-san, they looked in all our rooms. I'm so glad they felt free to go and do that. Thanks. I don't mind Kudo-san looking in my room, but I mind Endo-san going ahead and going in when she's not supposed to, and when we're not home) and that we needed to keep them clean. You know why? Because (this is the kicker) when we leave, if she had to pay someone to clean the apartment, it'll be expensive.

OH, WHAT!??! ARE YOU EVEN KIDDING ME HERE?? YOU DIDN'T CLEAN BEFORE WE GOT HERE!!!!! And how does having a bunch of stuff on the floor equal PERMANENT DAMAGE THAT YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY TO REPAIR?? It does not!!!!!! And also, this is MY ROOM. I can do whatever I want with it as long as I don't leave permanent damage. WHICH I'M NOT GOING TO.

Like, I just don't know how to get across that we ARE NOT OBLIGATED to do the things she wants us to. We don't have to wash our dishes immediately after eating, as long as they do get washed. We don't have to clean our rooms every day, they are our rooms. YOU CANNOT ORDER US AROUND. I want to say this to her, but I fear the repercussions, and I know that would just mean another long conversation, and usually I just want her to leave as soon as possible so we can RELAX.

She also said (oh, this is rich) that "This is my house. This isn't a school dorm." UM, THEN WHY DID WE ALL CHOOSE THE DORM OPTION AND WIND UP WITH THIS?!?!? THIS IS A SCHOOL DORM. IT IS NO LONGER YOUR HOUSE FOR THE TIME BEING. QUIT TRYING TO BEHAVE AS IF IT STILL IS AND WE ALL HAVE TO MIND EVERY SINGLE THING YOU WANT US TO DO.

I really seriously think we're getting gypped here. I can't believe all this freaking money that I'm paying for housing and food is GOING to her. I just can't see how she's actually using all of it, even though she apparently is. We can tell she buys the food that's on sale. But there's nothing I can do! We'll talk to Kudo-san, again, and Kudo-san will call her, again, and then--of course--WE get to hear all about it, and hear her excuses for why we're mistaken, and all of the million defenses she has for why there's no possible way what we're saying could be true. I hate overly defensive people. I hate old people who are too set in their ways. I HATE THIS!!!

(Once again... I love my roommates. I love it here... when Endo-san is not around. But it's getting to be too much. She wants to be in every aspect of our lives when we're here. Everything is her business. We're used to being independent. We're basically adults. I do not like being treated like a child and told what to do! This isn't a matter of fitting in to Japanese society, this is really getting to be things that, no matter what culture, we are not obligated to do. Plus I've ceased to think of her as the epitome of Japanese culture she seems to think she is, anyway. I feel no obligation to abide by whatever she thinks is right just because I'm in Japan.)

I'm so glad I'm going to my old host family's this weekend. SO GLAD.